


sleepyhead

by sunksun



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hyungkyun rise, M/M, mostly angst tho, no idea how to tag lmao, other people mentioned rlly for a second, wonkyun and showheon (is that rlly the ships name) also mentioned briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:25:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10077362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunksun/pseuds/sunksun
Summary: hyungwon loved both the sky and the sea but he hated to compareand changkyun likes to think about past





	

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic please go easy on me  
> the only thing i can say is WELL IT ESCALATED QUICKLY  
> i feel like they're kinda out of character but hey it was supposed to be a drabble  
> for my friend jo!!! sorry in advance

Sometimes Changkyun wondered if all of it has been just a ridiculous dream he had. Constantly falling in and out of love, the same as people he often used to see in romance soaps he watched with his mother at a young age. He put on his coat and headed out.

 

_"Changkyun, are you going?" Jooheon’s been pestering him about it since last week, when he got to know there’s going to be a freshman welcoming party at Hoseok’s place this Saturday._

_"I don’t think I can? I have an essay due Monday and I haven’t even started yet." Looking up at his friend from over the laptop resting on his knees, Changkyun made a sour expression and waved a hand slowly._

_Majoring in psychology was one of the worst life choices he made, their professor never went easy on them, always assigning a shit ton of work to complete over weekends and honestly, he was getting tired._

_But being a psychologist was his dream from the moment he’s read a book about emotions in highschool. It’s so fascinating to discuss with other’s what they’re feeling – everyone has a different psychological pattern, some think deeply but don’t feel at all, others feel everything with their brains not being put to use._

_"You’re doing that every single weekend and I’m getting sick of this, you asshat. I’m calling Hoseok right now and telling him you’re coming. I won’t take another no as an answer" The boy smiled sweetly and started to dial a number._

_"Wait, Heonie. I know being a music major isn’t easy either but if you went to one of my classes, you’d know it’s important. Please." Changkyun whined as he began to get up. "By the way why don’t you make a move on Hyunwoo finally? I’d love to have peace at our dorm sometimes." He grabbed a bottle of water from beside the bed and noticed Jooheon getting more and more red with every passing second._

_"Why don’t you get yourself a boyfriend then? After you dropped Hoseok, wait when was that – a year ago? After you stopped meeting, and I’m surprised that you’re still friends, you’ve been single and getting cranky lately. Just try to have fun once in a while." The boy rolled his eyes and sat down on the opposite bed of their tiny dorm._

_Changkyun didn’t want to admit that. Hoseok has been the best boyfriend he could have ever imagined and probably the best thing that has happened to him – he was caring, sweet and loving, he always made sure to go out of his way to do things for Changkyun and treat him the best he could. His kisses were always leaving the boy feeling starstruck and overwhelmed because of how many emotions were in there. But after a while he realised he didn’t love him anymore. The gifts have gotten troublesome, the kisses became quicker, shorter, less passionate. Their nights together resolved only around stiff cuddling and silence._

_Changkyun didn’t get bored, of course he couldn’t do that when it came to Hoseok – he just simply fell out of love at one point._

_"Okay, this one time. I will go but don’t ask me ever again." He sighed and closed his laptop._

 

Even though it wasn’t raining, silent buildings looked tired, worn out. They bent down slightly towards the ground and seemed to play a mellow song on their nonexisten violins. People hurried around in their coats looking like glass dolls in mirror clothes that wanted to stop anything from trying to get to them – "Emotions mostly, I guess." thought Changkyun and softly nodded his head. The sky looked beautiful – so incredibly blue with fluffy clouds scattered all over it, almost like a foamy winter sea. Hyungwon loved both but hated when Changkyun compared them.

 

_The party was loud and annoying and Changkyun wished he was home. Of course, he wanted to have fun, to see his friends, and most importantly – to see Hoseok. But he never enjoyed parties, he rarely drank alcohol and almost never went out of his dorm._

_He met so many people tonight – freshman Mingyu, a guy bigger than the Great Wall of China itself but adorable and easily excited like a puppy, sophomore Sooyoung, a girl that was seriously mean but still liked by everyone, freshman Yugyeom, a mellow guy with a cute personality, senior Hyerin, soft voice, softer personality, the softest heart._

_But nothing could top the moment he met Hoseok’s senior friend – Hyungwon._

_He was the ebodiment of the word ethereal and Changkyun knew he was in as soon as he laid his eyes on him. Changkyun never considered himself to think like a poet but when it came Hyungwon he couldn’t stop his thoughts. Flowers were blooming when the man smiled; delicate baby’s breath, petite forget-me-not’s, white lillies, snowy camomilles, romantic roses – you name it, his eyes were slightly droopy, heavy and sleepy, they resembled fresh fat raindrops that have fallen just seconds ago from a heavy summer storm and now were dripping lazily from big green leaves in your mother’s garden. After meeting him, Changkyun also found comfort in looking at ambers, that was the color he associated Hyungwon with._

_"Nice to meet you, I’m Chae Hyungwon and I hope we will get along." The man said with an outstretched hand, it seemed manly and strong but incredibly fragile at the same time._

_"Hello! Um, I hope for that too!" he replied quickly "Uh, I mean, my name is Changkyun, nice to meet you too." He blurted out embarrassed and that was the first time he fell in love with Hyungwon’s laugh._

 

He wasn’t in a hurry, he knew that Hyungwon wouldn’t mind waiting. He wouln’t get angry either. The usual flower shop he always went to with his boyfriend was closed today but Changkyun had to get flowers, after all he promised he would.

 

_His hands were soft with a little bid of roughness and Changkyun loved them as they were – holding them, caressing, kissing._

_"Winter sea is the most beautiful. I still can’t believe it’s your first time being here after, wait, how many? 21 years? I’m glad you agreed to come with me though." Hyungwon laughed as he squeezed Changkyun’s hand lightly._

_"I’ve never really went out that much in the past, you know how I am." He replied while smiling at the ground. The man’s laughter sounded like little bells chiming softly after a teasing blow of fresh morning air. "And stop being so sweet, I might get cavities."_

_"You love it, admit it." His boyfriend suddenly stopped walking and looked him straight in the eyes with a playful glint in his own._

_"Yeah, yeah I do." The response left his lips in a breathy chuckle. "And I love you too, sleephyead."_

_"Stop calling me that, you’re cheesy."_

_"You love it, admit it, sleepyhead." He replied earning a light slap on his arm.  
_

_The first time Changkyun told Hyungwon he loved him was the time when skies above them looked the same as the sea in front. They smiled, they laughed, they kissed, they ran, they loved._

 

With a bouqet of white roses in hand, Changkyun kept on walking. He remembered the first time Hyungwon said to put a stop to all the things they had.

 

_"Changkyun, listen, I don’t think we can do this anymore." He said quietly._

_They went out at night to stargaze, as it was their favourite thing to do at nights. City lights nowhere to be seen, hands locked together, legs tangled and heads resting on the ground. Little specks of memories sowed into the blackness of night right above their heads, waiting to be picked and put into pockets._

_"What did you say, sleepyhead?" Changkyun got up slowly not realising what has been said, as he was lost in his own thoughts._

_Hyungwon breathed shakily. "I said. I said that I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue this."_

_"Oh, you want to go home already? Are you cold? I have another blanket in the car, wait here." He replied and began to get up._

_"Wait." The other man grabbed Changkyun’s hand to stop him. "I didn’t mean that. Let me rephrase – It’s not a good idea to continue our relationship." He kept going "It’s not like I don’t love you, don’t get the wrong idea but please, please Changkyun, it’s pointless to keep this up."_

_He suddenly felt like his lungs disappeared, he couldn’t breathe. His knees felt weak and his eyes started watering._

_"What do you mean?"_

_Hyungwon took a deep breath and everything, all his pent up emotions started to pour out and crash on Changkyun like sea waves on a rocky shore._

 

He feels like he understood it just recently, even if 6 years had passed already. He graduated, he has a job which Hyungwon is probably proud of – a psychologist, just like he always dreamed, the job that Hyungwon has always thought of as fascinating. Looking back at it he really understood why his boyfriend said things he didn’t mean. Changkyun squeezed the bouqet lightly and started walking a little bit faster as he was nearing his destination.

 

_"Hey, how are you doing sleepyhead?" He asked the only person quietly in the dark room with a dimmed lamp on a nightstand, the only source of light, and closed the doors behind him._

_"I’m good, I’m happy you’re here today. And I feel really sleepy too, now that the drugs are starting to work." Hyungwon replied with tears in his eyes. "I’m going to miss you Changkyun. I’m really going to."_

_Changkyun promised himself not to cry. He didn’t want to. He wanted Hyungwon to be smiling for the rest of his day. But after seeing his boyfriend teary eyed he couldn’t stop himself._

_"D-Don’t say these things." He started to sob. "Today is supposed to be happy for you, don’t you remember what you said? No crying?" The boy closed the distance between the door and the bed and held tightly onto Hyungwon’s hand._

_"I know. But it’s so close Changkyun. And I’m scared. And I love you. And I’m going to miss you." He coudldn’t stop looking into other’s eyes._

_"I love you too. Remember the time you took me for the first time to see the sea in winter? It looked exactly the same as the sky. I don’t know why but I didn’t mention it then – but it reminded me of you, really." At this point Changkyun didn’t know what he was saying._

_"I love you. And I hate it when someone compares the two but it’s okay if it’s you." Hyungwon’s smile and grip were getting slightly weaker._

_Changkyun didn’t come earlier, the other man asked him not to. He cried through the morning. All he wanted was for Changkyun to remember him looking happy while being with him. Half an hour has passed and Hyungwon felt incredibly tired._

_"I’m really sleepy right now but hey, what’s new?" He laughed weakly "I have two requests for you." The words left his lips without him realising. Hyungwon looked into Changkyun’s eyes for the last time before he closed them. He didn’t have the strenght to do anything anymore so he kept talking for as long as possible._

_"The first one is – will you keep buying me flowers from my favourite flowershop after all this ends? The white roses on the far left? And the second one – don’t stop loving me, but move on. I love you, Changkyun. I love you. I will love you even after I die, I promise." He kept whispering._

_Before Changkyun realised, everything was gone._

_"Hey, sleepyhead, I promise. I love you too."_

 

The quiet sea hum calmed him. The day looked the same as it did on the day of Changkyun’s confession. But instead of sand, he was standing on grass. Instead of gazing up, he was looking down. Instead of Hyungwon’s eyes, he was seeing his name engraved on white marble. Thinking back – it’s not a ridiculous dream and Changkyun is glad.

"Hey sleepyhead, long time no see."

**Author's Note:**

> listen, it was supposed to be a drabble but somehow it's 2k+ lmao  
> hope u enjoyed


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